If you feel overwhelmed by the emotional and practical demands of dealing with aging parents, you’re not alone. Balancing work, caring for your own children, and providing support to parents as they age is a complex, often unpredictable journey. Many people struggle with how to cope with aging parents, especially if caregiving feels unfamiliar. You may feel unqualified as a caregiver and not know where to turn for help. You may feel resentful, guilty, sad, and alone.
You are not alone. There are people who understand and can help you manage this challenging life stage.
If you had a secure and supportive relationship with your parent as a child and young adult, you may mourn the bond you remember. If your relationship was strained, the role reversal involved in dealing with difficult aging parents may add complexity.
Your engaged and curious parent may become less interested in the activities they previously enjoyed. They may express their frustration in unfamiliar and upsetting ways. You may worry about their safety. Did they remember to turn off the stove? Likely, your parent will need support managing appointments, keeping track of medications, and coping with everyday tasks such as grocery shopping and self-care. The long-term solution that is best for both of you depends on your personal circumstances but finding that solution takes research, dedication, and emotional energy.
Caregivers also play an important emotionally supportive role for their parents. Although one’s golden years can often be filled with joy, seniors frequently describe feelings of loss and loneliness as they get older. Losing one’s independence and autonomy is one of the biggest challenges that seniors face. Having someone to talk to about these existential questions can be extremely valuable for your parents but can take a heavy toll on you as their child. The role reversal that inevitably happens as parents age is difficult for both of you. Balancing the practical realities of that change with the emotional toll it takes on your parent requires empathy, honesty and strength.
Know there are resources to rely on
Organizations such as Ontario Health at Home can provide in-home care as well as occupational therapist visits and other services to help your parent stay safe in their home. They are also able to connect you with other community organizations and senior’s programs that can provide a social network for your parent and much needed relief for you.
Don’t walk the road alone
Joining a support group can help you connect with other people in similar situations. Sometimes knowing you are not alone can be a huge emotional support. If you can’t find a support group, or don’t have the energy to look for one, ask your friends or coworkers as they are probably facing similar challenges.
Therapy for dealing with aging parents
Being able to discuss their thoughts and feelings about aging, or even just talking about things they hesitate to share with their children, with an empathetic, compassionate, objective therapist can be an emotionally liberating experience.
Take care of yourself
It is easy to put yourself last. Remember that you can’t fill others’ cups if yours is empty. Take time to do the things you enjoy. Connect with your loved ones, take a bath, go for a walk. And if you would like to talk about the struggles and joys of caring for aging parents with someone who will listen with empathy and without judgement, reach out. The therapists at Ellis Nicolson and Associates are here to help.